Making Cat Tracks

And somehow – between friendly neighbourhood cats, such as Cat, aka Kitteh, who foist himself into our house, running across the living room thru the open door and straight upstairs to my pillow. My waking and seeing a cat on the other pillow.

Then a few months later he and his people moved away – and a couple stints of catsitting and finally death is an old bruise, like seeing a photo of someone who died 20 years ago.

There’s a resolution to cherish the now and the meow.

To have a cat about house? The hubbykins wants. I waver. Waking up with a cat on my chest sniffing my chin and feeling the giggles rise out of my sleep…something’s shifted.

A lot of the grief was the helplessness of illness, the frustration of not being able to help as everything Valerie wanted to eat she’d try but vomit it. The irritable bowel, the vomiting, the inserting IV, the indignities, the way death smelled up close as it got closer and further. It’s daily caused me more stress than I realized at the time.

We took her in during her mid-life. She still had kittenness within her. She had cleverness and mischief and scheming. She was complex and comforting and mean to her roommate cat. Why did they have the falling out I’ll never know. Her illness overwhelmed her life in my memory but finally that’s receding and I can see her life past it.



  1. I just had to have my outside cat put to sleep! (Mistrie Rose) She was here for 9 wonderful years. All that is left now are memories and ashes in a little wooden box. I will forever see the suffering on her final day and the relief in her when I put her in the carrier, a place she would have scorned and fought had she been well. She went in the same carrier my Patches went in 2 1/2 years ago. They reside in my memory, left holes in my heart and emptiness time won’t even fill. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger……really? I don’t feel stronger, life is dealing me quite a bit of challenges with the battle my husband is fighting (cancer.) I must stay strong for him.

  2. formance said

    That’s a tough time. We gave away our carriers, maybe too soon. How can one stop loving? After a while I can start to remember past the health crisis to things she did that were kind, nudging comfort or moments of play.

    So much cancer. 4 friends’ parents, 3 uncles, mom, 3 friends with it over the last couple years. Some won remission, some lost. Bloody disease.

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