Progress report

About 5 years, although it seems only 2, after Valderbar passed, we started cat sitting for a few friends. Cats somehow entered the radar again as spots of happiness. Cats in windows, ignoring us on lawns, sauntering in front of slow suburban cars.

It was Sept 1991 that Trixie died. The week after I went to university she was hit by a car. Mom didn’t tell me. She didn’t want to. But it was nearly Thanksgiving and I was coming home so she phoned. She was afraid I might notice someone missing so wanted to prepare me. Nearly a couple months ago your dog passed, she apologized.

Still I get verklempt on seeing a black and white ticking pattern around the neck of a medium sized dog. I’ve been known to find myself attached to people based on particular shade of brown eyes like hers. I can see her face more readily than most people’s.

Could we have another cat of our own. There’s so much complexity.

From the shelter there is such need. 63 cats, just today. All of them sterilized. How do I feel about being unable to have children and wanting to and taking away that option and all normal sexuality from a companion?

Do I want to be responsible for one I cannot control who will continue to prey on the bird population, or else keep inside the house?

Unlike with Valerie, we will be home full time. We both will be here. Unlike with Valerie, my allergies have gone away. Even cat sitting for days in a house full of cat hair, waking with a cat on my head, one on my chest, I had no symptoms.

With Hobie he was too old to be trained to leash and harness. Why are you punishing me was his plaintive objection. Once he got out. He ran away, never to be found. We lived in the countryside then. Fox and martins and all creatures of the forest at our back door and if he cut through the woods heading for where he used to live with hubby, there are so many roads he could have eventually found, or I suppose, other families.

Do we want to avoid cats that look or feel like either of them? Is a cat filling the niche instead of adopting a kid? Wouldn’t we have started adopting kids if that had been our wish. We’re together 22 years, nearly half of that with 1 of 4 cats.

How do you find if there’s a natural personality connection when one is behind bars surrounded by dozens of others? But then, how do you know anything in life. If you could make a kid, there’s no guarantee that as people you’d like one another. And if you do or don’t personalities shift over time.

Zoe never liked us. Or maybe she did at first. She hovered near in early months. Maybe Stockholm syndrome. We were jailers who gave her kibble which she would approach when we weren’t near it. But she had all kinds of mental and physical trauma. We knew that at the shelter. There were BBs in her skull. The doctor took out what they could. She was old and sore and tired. We never knew her in her youth. We gave her a refuge from being eaten I suppose, and sometimes friendly companionship with Valerie when they weren’t at odds. Each relationship is different.

What are we looking for? To save someone from discomfort of shelter to optimize herself or himself, and feel secure under our roof? To have someone who comes and cuddles and notices us? Someone who touches and is touchable? Needs to help others and needs to feel a home less empty when there’s someone here but us.

What about our schedule? Who can catsit for us? How to communicate that we’ll be back when our daily pattern breaks in 6 or 8 months time?

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2 Comments »

  1. I guess my two cats are my salvation right now. So good to come home to after a week of chemo and radiation, someone to cuddle and love, so glad to see me. That don’t judge, they just love, each in their own way. You will make the right decision, I know, lots of hugs, Toni

  2. formance said

    They are a world of love. Our Holly is full of play.
    Thanks Toni!

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